Showing posts with label Random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The 12 Days Christmas . . .

Grab your moose mugs full of eggnog and sing along . . .

On the 12th day of Christmas my Sgt. gave to me,
14 reports and the paperwork to a felony

11 pairs of shackles

10 use of force sheets

9 prisoner pickups

8 warning tickets

7 in house trainings

6 sets of flex cuffs

5 time of request forms

4 warrant checks

3 pending calls

2 surety bonds

And a subpoena to the grand jury . . .

"Hallelujah! Holy shit, where's the Tylenol?"

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Angles among us . . .

Lately I've been suffering a terrific case of writer's block. It's not that the jail has suddenly gone calm and people have started to engage their brain before their mouth before calling us. I think it might be the holiday season in general. I've been trying to concentrate on planning time with friends and family on my off days and scheduling in precious sleep. Somehow my love of snow hasn't even made me super cheery this year.
Maybe it's the fact that it's the first year I have to walk up to a headstone to tell my best friend Merry Christmas. They played "Blue Christmas" the other day and I cried like an idiot for ten minutes. This year I am less worried about finding everyone the perfect gift and more worried about giving everyone a hug. I am content to skip the holiday parties and sit on the couch with my friends and watch Christmas Vacation for the 30th time. 30th time this month.
What can I say? I'm trying. There are angels among us, I just miss mine the most right now.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Political games . . .

So a friend of mine called today all upset over the elections. Like crying upset. Now to be clear, I'm an informed voter and I enjoy politics in moderation. I could care less about political smear campaigns and constant bickering. She rages on and on about how she's experiencing the stages of grief. No joke. She doesn't work for a candidate or a campaign, she just follows politics.
I'm not trying to be an asshole here, but really?
The candidate you wanted to win lost. I've lost my best friend. You're crying about the governor. I'm trying to put my dress uniform together for an awards ceremony without crying. You can't believe they were predicting the wrong winner in an election. My Sgt. can't believe he had to go tell a child's parents that the media was wrong, their child is dead. You're trying to reconcile the next 2 to 4 years of politics. I'm trying to reconcile leaving my department of 4 years and starting over.
I guess we all take a different view on life.
As I polish my nameplate and collar brass I'm reminded of the one person who would have enjoyed seeing me get my commendation for exemplary service more than me. My award will be just like his. I just wish he was here to see it.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Ideas welcome . . .

So I'm about to buy myself an I Pod Touch, which I am super excited about. The purpose for this shiny new toy (other than I want to play Apps at work) is that I need it for a half-marathon. That being said, I have a limited idea about what I'm going to put on my playlist.
Side note: For all you awesome half-marathon runners, I am not you. This is going to take me a while. A long while.
So I need at least two and a half hours of quality running music . . . feel free to share ideas, I'm kind of out here on my own.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I just stopped to say I love you . . .

Hey buddy,
I just stopped to say hello. Work is really bad sometimes; I wish you were here to point out the good parts. I got involved in a disciplinary hearing and I didn't even know I was part of the original event. You would be happy know that I was cleared and my file is still clean. I see that the guys have been tucking notes about work under your memorial stone. It's time to move on from the Sheriff's Office, somehow I know you would approve. I went to visit my parents and thought of you, I want you to be proud. It will all be ok, it's just hard here without you. You would approve of my current half-unit, I know you never liked the last guy I dated anyways. I miss asking you my "rookie" questions more than you can imagine. Watch over me. . . I love you.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Ya think?


From the cartoon "Police Limit" by Garey McKee. Hallelujah, he speaks the truth.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Lost in translation . . . cop to English

"Hey CO, all I did was a quick search for weapons."
translation - "If you find dope or anything else, please handle the charges and report so I don't have to."

"All he has wrong with him is a small abrasion to his knee."
translation - "I think it might need stitches, please don't make me take this guy to the hospital."

"Unable to locate."
translation - "I can't believe you sent me here to check on this. The "suspicious" person was last seen an hour ago. Like they're still going to be here. Right."

"It's a civil matter."
translation - "Why the hell did you call the cops for this?"

"Do you have any pending calls?"
translation - "Please say no so I can eat for the first time in eight hours."

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Field Guide to Prisoners . . .

Drunkus Maximus: Nocturnal. Two varieties of species: one is funny, the other one only thinks they are.

Drunkus Obnoxious: Male- You may have to go hands on if aggressive. Will probably ask for your badge number. Female- Characteristics are screaming/crying/informing you she was a former beauty queen/is married to someone who makes six times what you do. Very vocal.

Flirtatious: Male sightings are rare but not unheard of. Females are more social. Found often on traffic stops. May have bright plumage and very colorful facial markings.

Polywarrantus- May attempt to fight or flee if cornered. Has multiple outstanding warrants. Can be highly aggressive and dangerous.

Entitlement Complexus- Will attempt prove superiority/dominance, young male of the species is the worst. Can also share some traits with Drunkus Obnoxious, generally comes from a wealthier background than average. Impervious to reason and consequences.

Emotional Complexus- Defense mechanisms include tears and hysteria. Reasoning may or may not work. If all else fails, safety in numbers.

Unstableness Obvious: Use caution, unpredictable and potentially violent. Is not playing the same game with the same rules you are.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Being polite and other things my Dad tought me. . .

Today I was missing my buddy so I went to the cemetery to say hello and leave a few things. I know he's not there, his spirit is somewhere else, but it made me feel better. For those of you familiar with various other religions, specifically Native American, you will understand the significance of a tobacco offering.
My friend smoked, (don't start, it's not good for you) it may/may not have helped to contribute to his death. Despite having a degree in community health and disease prevention, I could never persuade him to quit. All that aside, I went and bought a pack of cigarettes in his favorite brand.

is what the convenience store clerk does to me:
"I would like a pack of Marlboro Red please."
"Smoking's bad for you. You shouldn't buy those."
(Showing great restraint and smiling) "Thank you."
"Those are pretty strong, I don't think that's what you want."
"You have no idea. They will be fine."
(He hands me a pack of Marlboro Lights) "No. Marlboro Red please."
(With a disgusted look) "I can't believe you smoke these."

Really? If you have a moral problem with selling people cancer in a stick, don't work somewhere you have to sell tobacco and alcohol. Thanks.

This is followed by a wonderful experience in the cemetery.

"You shouldn't leave cigarettes on someone's grave, children will take them and smoke them."
"I'm going to field strip 5 of them and take the rest with me."
"I think that's just terrible."

Thanks.

At what point did Americans find it appropriate to be so anti-tobacco that they accost people in cemeteries? I'm old enough to posess them and I'm not smoking them. I think we'll be ok. I'm also pretty sure that most underage children don't get ahold of their tobacco products from cemeteries, but I could be wrong about that.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Shameless plug . . .

So thanks to Mrs. Fuzz over at "a police wife" I found this awesome little item on Etsy: http://www.etsy.com/listing/49174029/to-protect-and-serve. There are several other cool things in this shop including this: http://www.etsy.com/listing/47305224/it-is-not-how-he-died-that-made-him-a.
So in other news, I'm now addicted to Etsy. Nice.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorials . . .

I have a question for all of you out there who may be reading this. Does anyone know of a company/person that makes police memorial jewelry? I would like something that can be concealed in my uniform (i.e. a necklace) or something that fits in our uniform regulations (a plain metal memorial bracelet). I have seen several places that manufacture stainless steel and aluminum bracelets, but all suggestions are welcome. Honestly my first choice would be a necklace, preferably my department's five point star, or custom dog tags. Any and all options are encouraged. Please leave suggestions in the comments section. Thank you.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Public safety partners quiz . . .

Take the following quiz and give yourself a point for every answer you can say "yes" to:
(The partner can be your husband/wife/significant other/or your work partners)

You've ever been hung up on preceded by any of the following statements:
a. We've got a run.
b. I've got a call.
c. Some dumbass just about took off the front of my cruiser.
d. I've got to go help this unit/person.
e. WHAT THE F*CK WAS THAT?!

You've ever been the last one in the restaurant of your party and ever had to say:
a. They're on duty, they have a call.
b. Sorry, we're on call.
c. Could we have that to go?

You've ever been woken up to a phone call that starts:
a. Did you know I had court?
b. What are you doing right now? (Extra point if the answer has ever been, "SLEEPING.")
c. I forgot something, can you bring it to work?

You are perfectly comfortable with long silences in phone conversations due to:
a. Someone running a tag.
b. Answering the radio.
c. The other person typing/eating/yelling loudly at traffic.

Any of the following is in your personal vehicle/work vehicle:
a. Disposable gloves.
b. Extra handcuff keys/handcuffs
c. Extra uniform parts.
d. Anything your partner has had to move off of their seat and rolled their eyes about.

More than five? Congratulations, and welcome to the edge of reality.

Monday, May 3, 2010

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Much like the post I wrote about suicide, I guess I chose to ignore that our profession also boasts one of the highest rates of divorce. So far this week two of my best friends have dropped on me they are getting divorced. One is a young guy who has only been married four years, one is a guy on his second marriage. Sure, people at our department get divorced but it's almost always the ones that you cringed when they got married. The "that's not going to end well" type of marriage.
Both of my friends are devastated. There are children involved in both marriages that are devastated. The younger one says that after counseling it is a mutual split. Apparently as the mother of a two year old his wife was not able to come to terms with him working 12 hour shifts at night. The older guy had been divorced for a while before marriage number two. He was so excited to have a family situation back in his life; he even took full custody of all three children from a previous marriage. There was a big communication problem in that marriage that several of my friends tried to gently point out to them.
Both of them have to come to me for advice. I told them both the same thing; I've never been married, I'm not qualified. My parents have been married almost 40 years. I have no idea what divorce is like.
To me marriage is an institution not to be taken lightly. I'm not just going to run off to Vegas or marry someone I've only known a year. Communication and trust is a big thing to me. At this rate I'll just stay single . . .

Monday, April 26, 2010

Quotations and observations . . .

"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." - Invictus, by William Ernest Henley

I have an engraved bracelet that says "Fall down seven times, stand up eight." It was a saying told to me when I graduated the police academy.

On that note, this post will be kind of flighty and short. Given how work has been going, this is about as good as it is going to get today. Today I saw a good friend of mine in a shoot/don't shoot situation in real life. He is not sure he is comfortable with the decision he made, I have every confidence in the world in him. You don't make your decision because you hate what is in front of you . . . you make it because you love the men and women behind you.

If you're in California and see a San Bernardino deputy . . . tell them thanks for what they do. It's a long story, but they're worth it.

"There's no such thing as coincidence" - Lt. Joe Leaphorn, from the Tony Hillerman books.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

We didn't start the fire . . .

My night went something like this, sing along in your mind:

Warrant problems
Low manpower
Whiny cops
Amateur hour
No service
ER Rooms
Awful leadership

Fire department
Extradition
Power outage
Failed to mention
Schedule changes
Venue changes
When can I go home

Overtime
Long day
Jail's full
Hazard pay
OR
The bond is payed
And the Sgt's on his way

Infirmary
Med pass
Have we called a squad for this
Clear the sally
Call the medic
Where the hell's my Sgt

We didn't start the fire
It was always burnin' since the worlds been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it but we tried to fight it

And for amusement purposes: http://www.sporcle.com/games/wedidntstartthefire.php
I have gotten up to 113 of the 120 . . . some things I never can spell.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Geodon speed loaders and other things I'd like to see . . .

These are a collection of "I wish they really made that" products from my various coworkers.

From the SWAT doc of a major city: "Geodon speed loaders. Walk in the room, shoot one in the patient and two in the family. Everybody is suddenly happy. Thunk, thunk. Maybe in blow gun form . . ."

From our jail doc: "Prozac in aerosol form. Definitely."

From my shift commander: "Disposable uniforms. This is my second pair of pants today."

From my probie: "Scented N95 respirators, I hate the plastic smell."

From my fire Lt: "Biohazard bags large enough to wrap a patient in, or plastic wrap with that printed on it. Sometimes the hospital deserves to know what they're getting into."

From my intake partner: "Febreeze for humans . . ."

Ideas? Feel free to share . . .

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Wherever you go . . . there you are

After a union meeting several days ago, that ended poorly to say the least, my coworkers and I came to a conclusion. We can sit around and say "they (the administration) are going to do what they want" and "why bother it won't do any good." OR we could be proactive. I don't really give two hoots if the union shreds my ideas in front of God and everyone. I don't care if the administration laughs in my face. The SO, like any political agency, has its pitfalls. There are days I feel like I'm beating my head into a brick wall every time I try to prove a point. But you know what? I love my job, (for the most part). I dearly love the people I work with, and even some of the people I work for. I trust the Sheriff.
So here's the deal. I have had ideas shot down more times than I can count. But the last time I checked, I didn't get anywhere sitting on my ass. You never know unless you ask, sometimes you might be surprised. And if you never try to change your surroundings, you'll be looking at the same thing forever. So get up off your butt and do something. I don't just mean if your union is in negotiations. I mean make your job a better place. Make a difference in someone's day.

BROTHERHOOD

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I love bacon . . . and could you pass the butter?

Recently, and by this I mean approximately three hours ago; my best friend in intake and I came to a realization. We love bacon. Eggs, grits, coffee with or without cream and sugar, pancakes and butter. Apparently we have an addiction to breakfast food. I mentioned this before in my post titled Bacon and Doughnuts. Now, however I have recruited more people to my side of thinking. Pass the sugar, its been a crappy night. Debriefing sessions in the form of breakfast are now held regularly for mental health.
Luckily for my cardiac health, I have still been working out with my team from the academy. Which is a good thing . . . Alright boys, scoot over; the home fries won't fit on my side of the table. Good eating to y'all, and have a good morning.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Here in the real world they're shutting my county down . . .

Two days before my graduation to be a certified peace officer, comes the call we at my department have been dreading. "They started the layoffs today . . . here's who's gone already." While I have enough personnel hired after me that it will have to get ugly to get to me, it doesn't matter. These are my brothers and sisters, men and women with families and houses to pay for. I met my friend from another division outside in the parking lot tonight, turned on John Rich's song "They're Shutting Detrioit Down" . . . and cried. He has two kids, a wife, a house and now no job. Every division of the SO was affected.
What does it say about the state of the country you live in when you can't afford to keep the people who keep you safe?
May the Lord bless and protect those who now don't know what the future holds. Keep my brothers and sisters still working safe from harm now that their backup isn't there anymore.

"May your hope give us hope, may your love give us love . . ."