Finding Jesus in a bottle of pills and other not so good endeavors . . .

So it's been awhile since I've got to share something worthwhile on here (not that I'm entirely sure any of the following qualifies). Call it writer's block. Or, as my partner in psych pointed out this evening, call it "we're pretty sure not too much shocks us any more." That being said . . .

A girl takes an indeterminate amount of unknown pills. After her ER visit, and various other medical adventures, she arrives at our jail. She proceeds to tell us she has found Jesus. Wonderful. In the pills. Ok, maybe not so good. Apparently we are all going to hell, (according to my partner, not news). We are evil, Godless souls ect. Then she pulls down her pants and presses parts of her anatomy I don't need to see against the cell window. Nice. I don't think Jesus was impressed . . .

Don't decide to eat something that's inedible as a quick way to the hospital. Especially if that something is a bolt, or a pencil, or anything else your mom taught you not to put in your mouth. It will not end well. Trust us.

I had to write a medical report that made my Sgt. call me and say, "I never want to read another report containing 'foul smelling discharge from the vaginal area' again." Sorry, the medical department told me we had to document it. Next time I guess I'll have to put a disclaimer on my reports.

Do not think that the best course of action after rolling a tanker truck (commercial not firefighting) is to get out and walk around. Please, please let us backboard you. You're making me nervous . . .

Please do not eat razor blades . . . see the earlier disclaimer about bad ends.

Never underestimate how short of a fuse your partner may have after his/her beloved NFL team of choice gets beaten.

Say, "Hey, I love you . . ."

I spent my shift the other night working the control room catching up with two good friends also working the main control room. Best shift in a long time. Never underestimate the power a kind word or a smile will have on someone. Always stop and chat with a friend if you have time. Call somebody having a slow night when that hour between 23o and 330 seems like it will never end.

Say "Hey, I love you . . ."

Pay it forward friends. I had the privilege of being at the right place at the right time a few days ago in our courthouse for a medical emergency. He's actually someone I know quite well. You can make a difference. Don't let the politics and the cynicism get you down . . . it's hard I know. But trust me, it's worth it.

We're a law enforcement agency, and you have warrants . . .

Some things never cease to amaze me. Case in point: You have warrants. You know about these warrants. Other people know about these warrants. Yet you still come to visitation day at the sheriff's office. You still present your state issued ID to the COP who is running visitation. How are you shocked when you get arrested for outstanding warrants?

"Like, I so did not think you could arrest me while I'm visiting my boyfriend."
"You do realize that this jail is part of the sheriff's office."
"Yeah, but that's like so not cool. Can't you like arrest me when I'm done out in the parking lot?"

I'm a cop, you have warrants, this is a sheriff's office. What did you think we would do?

This might be why the public thinks we're idiots . . .

I was at a training recently with some coworkers and various other people from various other departments. Said training was over search and seizure. The instructor asks this guy from my department what he knows about the 4th Amendment. The answer? Wait for it . . .

"Uh, nothing man. I mean the academy was like so five or six years ago."

Holy hell. Really? My Lt.'s eight year old son knows more about the Constitution than you do . . . It's not so much remembering the academy as having a basic working knowledge of US government and civics in general. I was trying to melt into the floor behind him before somebody noticed we had the same uniform on. No wonder they put this guy in what amounts to a clerical position at our department.

Best quote from the instructor: "I'd send you home, but you don't have a home."
Officer: "Huh? Yeah I do."
Instructor: "Nope. We took it since you have no idea what your rights are."

Geodon speed loaders and other things I'd like to see . . .

These are a collection of "I wish they really made that" products from my various coworkers.

From the SWAT doc of a major city: "Geodon speed loaders. Walk in the room, shoot one in the patient and two in the family. Everybody is suddenly happy. Thunk, thunk. Maybe in blow gun form . . ."

From our jail doc: "Prozac in aerosol form. Definitely."

From my shift commander: "Disposable uniforms. This is my second pair of pants today."

From my probie: "Scented N95 respirators, I hate the plastic smell."

From my fire Lt: "Biohazard bags large enough to wrap a patient in, or plastic wrap with that printed on it. Sometimes the hospital deserves to know what they're getting into."

From my intake partner: "Febreeze for humans . . ."

Ideas? Feel free to share . . .

What's stuck in a tree?

When my buddy told this story at first I thought he said they got dispatched to a cat in a tree. What he really said was they got dispatched to a kid in a tree. Slightly confused I asked if the child had climbed up and then been scared to climb back down. Oh, no. He was stuck, in the fork. Apparently this child was what my grandmother would have referred to as "husky."
The firefighters couldn't lift him out of the tree. After using the ever popular chainsaw to remove the offending piece of tree, they couldn't lift him on the ladder. Enter the webbing harness and carabiner. Attach aforementioned harness via carabiner to ladder and lift. Presto, freed child.
Bless his heart at least he was playing outside for the day.

At what point did you deem that appropriate?

So last week I was at a three day training on drug laws. It was not required to wear your uniform during this. My department has a strict policy about what you wear to training. Business casual. Period. Don't ever let a supervisor hear about you or see you in a t shirt, jeans, tennis shoes or other inappropriate items.
Enter the other people. First of all as a female in law enforcement I am hyper aware of how I dress. I don't want people to think I'm a skank, a badge bunny or an idiot. Apparently the other six women didn't get that message. I had to tell one well endowed girl to pull up her shirt, because parts of her anatomy were showing that were illegal. Two others had pants so tight I thought they'd split when they sat down. At least one had inappropriate undergarments that showed through. I did not see one female with a shirt that my supervisor would have approved. Mine would have told me to go home and change, then come back to training and sign my disciplinary action.
Various officers had jeans, t shirts with sports teams and other random things on.
People please. Khakis, polo shirt. Write it down.