A collection of "shorts" from work:
-Do not bring your own needles full of heroin to the OB floor and shoot up while with your newborn. We will arrest you. Also, do not attempt to have drugs passed off at the hospital while you are there in custody being treated. Does not work well, your friends are in jail now too.
-Coming to jail in a shirt from a courthouse restaurant who's slogan is, "Where justice is served," will result in it being featured in your online mugshot. Same for the ubiquitous, "It's all fun and games until the cops show up" shirt.
-Never, ever assume that attempting to beat a cop or CO's ass will not result in you being gang tackled by more officers than you have ever seen. We're like ninjas, we come out of the walls.
-Making threats to the officer who charged you with assault on them will only result in another charge and more prison time. Shut your mouth.
-For at least the 500th time, do not come to the sheriff's office for something where you have to give ID and then cry when we arrest you on your warrants. It's kind of what we do.
-Do not break down and call for a deputy to assist you when you are drunk, unless you want arrested. Additional info: If you have drugs on you, do not walk up and talk to the K9 officer; his partner does not have a sense of humor, just a keen sense of smell.
-Committing any type of crime while on sheriff's office property where there are cameras recording will result in your immediate arrest, embarrassment in court.
The diagnosis on Lucille was bad yesterday. Apparently, city potholes bent every rim on the car. Instead of buying new rims, they are sending them off to b...
1 week ago