This might be why the public thinks we're idiots . . .

I was at a training recently with some coworkers and various other people from various other departments. Said training was over search and seizure. The instructor asks this guy from my department what he knows about the 4th Amendment. The answer? Wait for it . . .

"Uh, nothing man. I mean the academy was like so five or six years ago."

Holy hell. Really? My Lt.'s eight year old son knows more about the Constitution than you do . . . It's not so much remembering the academy as having a basic working knowledge of US government and civics in general. I was trying to melt into the floor behind him before somebody noticed we had the same uniform on. No wonder they put this guy in what amounts to a clerical position at our department.

Best quote from the instructor: "I'd send you home, but you don't have a home."
Officer: "Huh? Yeah I do."
Instructor: "Nope. We took it since you have no idea what your rights are."

Geodon speed loaders and other things I'd like to see . . .

These are a collection of "I wish they really made that" products from my various coworkers.

From the SWAT doc of a major city: "Geodon speed loaders. Walk in the room, shoot one in the patient and two in the family. Everybody is suddenly happy. Thunk, thunk. Maybe in blow gun form . . ."

From our jail doc: "Prozac in aerosol form. Definitely."

From my shift commander: "Disposable uniforms. This is my second pair of pants today."

From my probie: "Scented N95 respirators, I hate the plastic smell."

From my fire Lt: "Biohazard bags large enough to wrap a patient in, or plastic wrap with that printed on it. Sometimes the hospital deserves to know what they're getting into."

From my intake partner: "Febreeze for humans . . ."

Ideas? Feel free to share . . .

What's stuck in a tree?

When my buddy told this story at first I thought he said they got dispatched to a cat in a tree. What he really said was they got dispatched to a kid in a tree. Slightly confused I asked if the child had climbed up and then been scared to climb back down. Oh, no. He was stuck, in the fork. Apparently this child was what my grandmother would have referred to as "husky."
The firefighters couldn't lift him out of the tree. After using the ever popular chainsaw to remove the offending piece of tree, they couldn't lift him on the ladder. Enter the webbing harness and carabiner. Attach aforementioned harness via carabiner to ladder and lift. Presto, freed child.
Bless his heart at least he was playing outside for the day.

At what point did you deem that appropriate?

So last week I was at a three day training on drug laws. It was not required to wear your uniform during this. My department has a strict policy about what you wear to training. Business casual. Period. Don't ever let a supervisor hear about you or see you in a t shirt, jeans, tennis shoes or other inappropriate items.
Enter the other people. First of all as a female in law enforcement I am hyper aware of how I dress. I don't want people to think I'm a skank, a badge bunny or an idiot. Apparently the other six women didn't get that message. I had to tell one well endowed girl to pull up her shirt, because parts of her anatomy were showing that were illegal. Two others had pants so tight I thought they'd split when they sat down. At least one had inappropriate undergarments that showed through. I did not see one female with a shirt that my supervisor would have approved. Mine would have told me to go home and change, then come back to training and sign my disciplinary action.
Various officers had jeans, t shirts with sports teams and other random things on.
People please. Khakis, polo shirt. Write it down.

Wherever you go . . . there you are

After a union meeting several days ago, that ended poorly to say the least, my coworkers and I came to a conclusion. We can sit around and say "they (the administration) are going to do what they want" and "why bother it won't do any good." OR we could be proactive. I don't really give two hoots if the union shreds my ideas in front of God and everyone. I don't care if the administration laughs in my face. The SO, like any political agency, has its pitfalls. There are days I feel like I'm beating my head into a brick wall every time I try to prove a point. But you know what? I love my job, (for the most part). I dearly love the people I work with, and even some of the people I work for. I trust the Sheriff.
So here's the deal. I have had ideas shot down more times than I can count. But the last time I checked, I didn't get anywhere sitting on my ass. You never know unless you ask, sometimes you might be surprised. And if you never try to change your surroundings, you'll be looking at the same thing forever. So get up off your butt and do something. I don't just mean if your union is in negotiations. I mean make your job a better place. Make a difference in someone's day.

BROTHERHOOD

Miranda angina and other things not to teach your kids . . .

Apparently there is a small percentage of my coworkers that has the same mentality of a five year old. And by small percentage, I mean roughly half.
Much like small children you should not say things around them that you don't want repeated. An all time favorite squad "diagnosis" after calls is "Miranda angina." For the non-public safety people out there let me translate; allergic to arrest. The chest pain has an onset directly after arrest or shortly after arrival at a correctional facility. I wish I could take credit for how amusing that phrase is. I cannot. It belongs to "Words that should be in the EMS dictionary but aren't." A favorite column of mine in JEMS that disappeared.
Enter me sharing this with a few co-workers at the jail. Then imagine my surprise and sudden panic attack upon seeing it written IN A REPORT. What the hell?! I immediately called the misguided officer who typed said report, and told him that was probably not appropriate in a legal document. His argument? "It's in quotes, so it's funny."
Thank God he did not quote me.

It's a joke people. Enjoy it. Try not to get us all fired in the process though . . . There's some things you should just keep to yourself.

I remember . . . Never Forget

This morning as I enjoy the quiet darkness of my neighborhood, I only ask one thing of you today. To say a prayer for those who we lost, those who survive and those who are serving.

The FDNY's 343, the men and women of the NYPD and PAPD. The countless emergency service workers who served at Ground Zero, the Pentagon and in that Pennsylvania field.

Your men and women of the armed services who fight for our country. Those who have come home, those who will never come home. KIA, MIA, POW, you are not forgotten.

For those who wear memorial bracelets, and permanent scars on their hearts.

"Let's raise a glass to those that have passed / Raise them for the finest that we knew / Going Home's been played / And the pipes all put away / Let's hear it for the boys and girls in blue"
- The Moonshiners, Boys and Girls in Blue