Randomness

Just go with it ok?

In reference to pursuit policies: "Chase him to the river!! Hell, go get a boat ready and chase him UP the river!!"

In reference to me locating heroin on a prisoner: "That's not mine!! He searched me before we came in!! You put it there! If it was mine I would have thrown it under the cruiser seat and you would have never found it!!" "Yeah well, it's still a felony. Shut up."

What my partner wanted to put in a patient narrative for an incredibly intoxicated and horribly obnoxious female: "CRAZY B****. NO CHANGE DURING TX."

My Sgt. in reference to a prisoner: "Go hand deliever her to her family. Now. Before we get sued or something else stupid happens."

In reference to interrogation techniques: "So how's the weather?" "Yeah, I killed that guy."

Quote of the year . . .

From my brothers that work in the neighboring county during the drug law section of the academy . . . (and don't ask why we were talking about deep frying turkeys in February)

"I would rather deal with a small, rolling meth lab than attempt to deep fry a turkey"

Awesome.

These are a few of my favorite things.

Some sayings from work that amuse me . . .

Quit driving like you have warrants!!

Stop sucking on it!

Do have anything that will poke me or stick me? Any drugs, guns, knives, hiding Osama Bin Laden?

Why us? Why now?

OUTSTANDING!!!

Just because it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, doesn't mean it's a duck. It might be a felony.

"Sir could you step out of the car and show me some ID?" Who me? "NO the freaking oak tree."

Why do they always have to be on the third floor?

WHAT IS THAT?!?!?!?

Big white box. Big white box with lights. Jesus Christ will you get the hell out of the way!!

Control your explorer, er your probie, what ever he is. Now. Before I find Ritalin in aerosol form and apply it to him.

"Do you want to tell me how you got a Social Security Number if you were born in Guam?" Uh, Guam is a US territory genius.

Perhaps this would be a good time to fake my own death . . .

It's times like this, even in our profession where you have to ask yourself, "What are the odds?"

On our way to the academy it all became so clear . . .

Or so I thought . . . Fun times going to the academy and then working thirds, getting about 4 hours sleep and doing it all over again. Total BS. But worth it.
Our schedules are changing in the jail. I hate change. Hate it. Hate it. But I will get over it, and I usually like the end result eventually anyways. This time it might be good. They are mixing everything up. Which is nice, I'm actually a little excited. So maybe I don't hate it.
Start your day with a new IA / do dah, do dah / The cops will pay while the inmates play / do, dah, do dah. Sorry, my bitterness is showing again. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to work in an agency that assumed you were innocent until proven guilty. Not "Hey this guy said xyz, so explain yourself. Oh, and bring your union rep. Oh, and by the way we're reassigning you. Oh, and we're reprimanding your supervisor." HE HIT ME FIRST!!!!! (The preceding scenario while based on actual events luckily does NOT involve me.)
There are days when I want to answer the phone "XYZ County Jail, Officer Doe speaking, WE'RE A LITTLE F'ING BUSY RIGHT NOW!" Nothing like trying to book new inmates, deal with trustys, try and find your supervisor so you can transfer them a call AND release people. All while wondering where in the world everyone else assigned to intake and release has disappeared to. I'm convinced there is some kind of black hole that eats intake officers and spits them out hours later. Either that or I work with the masters of work avoidance. But really, what are the odds of that?

Knocking on heaven's door . . .

Recently I was appointed to the SO's honor guard and it left me with some thoughts. I once saw an emblem for an honor guard that said "the last to let you down." How true. I hope that I can always be the officer that I wanted to be before I saw everything through the eyes of a tired cynic. I hope I can always be the officer that my brothers and sisters rely on and come to in their time of need. And although I hope it never happens; if I have to be there in their final moments, I hope they understand that no one goes alone.
I have several memorial bracelets that I wear to remind me that there are those who gave their lives in the pursuit of that which they believed in. The police academy starts this week, hopefully at the end I will be assigned somewhere not named the jail. Corrections has been a learning experience, but I need bigger pastures to roam.
When I am tired and I want to give up I always think of several people. Some of them have given the ultimate sacrifice in the performance of their duties. They are firefighters and police officers who now watch over us from above. Some of them I worked with, some of them I never knew personally. The rest are my brothers and sisters still with me in my duties. These are the men and women who have carried me, when I have been to weak to stand, saved my life and walked beside me throughout my career. Several COs at work have asked me why I want to give up seven months of my life to go to the academy when I could become a jail sgt. or lt. The answer to me is simple; so many gave so much, surely I too can give something.

"Alleged" law breakers and other things I snort derisively at.

My all time favorite Sgt. is infamous for the use of the word "alleged" at work. Sarge's comments about "alleged" drug dealers and "alleged" law breakers are some of the only things that make the night bearable.
I swear if I have to hear one more "I'm innocent, the cops trumped up the charges" story this week I'm going to pull my hair out. Look, I don't really want to book you in. The cop that brought you here is seriously annoyed because we're busy and he's waiting in line. We both have better things to do than charge you with random things that we have to look up section codes and do paperwork on. Believe me, even if doing better things only means eating our 4am dinner in peace.
Tonight one of my illustrious coworkers decided that it was mean that we have an inmate isolated and on administrative segregation. Her reasoning? "I don't think he understands what he does, he must get really agitated in that cell all by himself. He only gets to come out an hour a day and he doesn't have anyone to talk to." Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Perhaps our friend should have thought of that before he assaulted a CO and turned into an assaultive idiot that threatens to kill us every shift. Excuse me Sarge, "alleged" assaultive idiot.
Sometimes I just want to come home from work, shut off my phone, sleep all day and do nothing all night. Wait, who are we kidding here? That's every day. In fact, I think that's what I'm going to do now.

STOP RESISTING!!!!

I work the intake area at the county jail for a fairly large sheriff's office in the Midwest. Since I work thirds I get to meet all kinds of new and interesting people. Some of them are jerks, some of them are sweetharts and some of them are prisoners. One of my many co-workers at said intake area said this to me the other day: "Hey, your job is to yell stop resisting and type the use of force report." Oooooooooooooooook. So I was insulted, I thought he meant since I was a girl I was useless. He enlightened me: "You're the newest to this assignment, somebody else's name has to go on the use of force reports. The Major is starting to wonder about the rest of us . . ." Now this does not mean we use excessive force. It means our administration has gone crazy over thoughts of lawsuits and now I have to write a damn use of force report for every use of the restraint chair, every arm bar and every dirty look. Ok, that's excessive. Maybe not EVERY arm bar.