No, I am not poison control . . .

One of our frequent fliers calls 911. We get called out for "an overdose on unknown substance." Nice, so it could be bleach or Tums. Upon arrival we find our resident system abuser who says this: "Why are you here?" Behind me I can barely make out my engineer whisper, "I was wondering the same thing."

FF: "I called poison control"
Me: "No, you called 911."
FF: "Well yeah, but that was because I wanted the number to poison control."
Me: "That's what 411 is for, not 911."
FF: "No, 411 is information not poison control, everyone knows that"
Me: "Clearly not."
FF: "So are you going to do your job and give me the number?"
Me: "Did you take something you think is dangerous?"
FF: "No, I wanted to see if this pill my girlfriend gave me is really a Vicodin."
Me: "Right. Go back in the house before I call the cops."

Honestly, I thought we covered this. . .

For the record:

1. Do not drive to the sheriff's office to produce paperwork to a deputy when you are drunk, suspended or both.

2. Do not walk in a 24 hour diner where there are 3 uniformed officers and two plainclothes eating dinner at 4 am; while smoking a joint with active warrants for your arrest. Especially if you are going to come up and talk to us.

3. Do not drop off inmate medication to the jail pharmacy that has 5 kinds of pills in one bottle. When one is a schedule 2 drug, that's an even bigger problem.

4. Do not come bail out the person you have a protection order against and then yell at the deputy because they tell you to leave the property before that inmate comes outside.

5. Do not turn yourself in at the jail with illegal drugs on your person.

That's all for today's PSA. Remember, we're here to serve your ass; not kiss it.

So. . .your're a cop?

This has gotten said to me like 20 times while I've been in uniform this week. Is it bad these are some of the responses I've concocted in my head?

-Nope. Stripper.
-Halloween is a religion for me. I celebrate it year round.
-Stole the uniform. Don't tell the cops.
-I'm an explorer. We're short staffed from lay offs so they let me carry a gun after school.
-They said military uniform inspired clothing was the new thing this fall, my own twist.
-I dress like this because I like looking like I weigh 20 pounds more and like a man.

Or just, "No." I wonder what they'd say to that?

Red light, green light . . .

*Quick note: Thanks to everyone for the song suggestions, my I Pod and I love you.

Sarge: (Pointing at our extra guy.)"You're on red light" (Pointing at my partner.) "You're on green light"

Extra guy: "Wait, so I'm on red light?!"

Sarge: (Speaking to my partner) "He's only greenlighted if you give him permission. If he goes green without your permission I green light you to beat his ass."

Extra guy: "Red light means I'm on time out and I'm the good cop?! What the f***"

Ideas welcome . . .

So I'm about to buy myself an I Pod Touch, which I am super excited about. The purpose for this shiny new toy (other than I want to play Apps at work) is that I need it for a half-marathon. That being said, I have a limited idea about what I'm going to put on my playlist.
Side note: For all you awesome half-marathon runners, I am not you. This is going to take me a while. A long while.
So I need at least two and a half hours of quality running music . . . feel free to share ideas, I'm kind of out here on my own.

I just stopped to say I love you . . .

Hey buddy,
I just stopped to say hello. Work is really bad sometimes; I wish you were here to point out the good parts. I got involved in a disciplinary hearing and I didn't even know I was part of the original event. You would be happy know that I was cleared and my file is still clean. I see that the guys have been tucking notes about work under your memorial stone. It's time to move on from the Sheriff's Office, somehow I know you would approve. I went to visit my parents and thought of you, I want you to be proud. It will all be ok, it's just hard here without you. You would approve of my current half-unit, I know you never liked the last guy I dated anyways. I miss asking you my "rookie" questions more than you can imagine. Watch over me. . . I love you.

Ya think?

From the cartoon "Police Limit" by Garey McKee. Hallelujah, he speaks the truth.