Wednesday, September 2, 2009

No you do not have swine flu . . .

As I've mentioned in some of my earlier posts, my department happens to serve the campus of a fairly large university. Apparently, since there have been multiple confirmed cases of swine flu; everybody and their brother thinks they have it.
Case in point: Our squad is dispatched to "female ill" in one of the academic buildings. Of course we are eating lunch, so the engine proceeds to laugh their asses off at us as we leave. Upon arrival we find a girl in the fetal position in the hallway. Assessment reveals vertigo, weakness, nausea, abdominal cramps and the last oral intake was yesterday. Hmmm. My assessment sixth sense along with my law enforcement bullshit meter kicks in. "When was your last menstrual period?" "Uh, right now. Started this morning." Hmmm. "You don't think this is related?" "No, I'm pretty sure I have swine flu."
Are you f'ing serious? (No, I did not say that out loud.)
No fever, chills, sweats or anything else. ER result? Menstrual cramps . . . How 'bout that shit?


  1. Hey, sometimes they can be really bad......

    ok, not bad enough to call 911.

  2. Hey, I don't even care if you call 911 and they aren't that bad. Just don't tell me you have swine flu . . .

  3. Yeah, we have 3 confirmed cases in my area and I can't wait for those calls to start coming in.. Most of the public doesn't know they are confirmed yet..