But then, I've been there before . . .

Repeat offender syndrome: (noun) - 1) Displayed by any inmate who informs you "this isn't my first rodeo" or "I've already been to prison so this is nothing." 2) Any pattern of events at the intake desk that lead you to believe the same thing is happening over and over. (i.e everyone has been arrested for domestic violence, is drunk or both) 3) Any time you release someone from jail and they get arrested again during your shift. 4) When any inmate states they got arrested just so they could come to jail for food/shelter 5) When any inmate explains any part of the process to you better than most officers

See also: Rehabilitation (obsolete)

Lost in translation . . . cop to English

"Hey CO, all I did was a quick search for weapons."
translation - "If you find dope or anything else, please handle the charges and report so I don't have to."

"All he has wrong with him is a small abrasion to his knee."
translation - "I think it might need stitches, please don't make me take this guy to the hospital."

"Unable to locate."
translation - "I can't believe you sent me here to check on this. The "suspicious" person was last seen an hour ago. Like they're still going to be here. Right."

"It's a civil matter."
translation - "Why the hell did you call the cops for this?"

"Do you have any pending calls?"
translation - "Please say no so I can eat for the first time in eight hours."

Field Guide to Prisoners . . .

Drunkus Maximus: Nocturnal. Two varieties of species: one is funny, the other one only thinks they are.

Drunkus Obnoxious: Male- You may have to go hands on if aggressive. Will probably ask for your badge number. Female- Characteristics are screaming/crying/informing you she was a former beauty queen/is married to someone who makes six times what you do. Very vocal.

Flirtatious: Male sightings are rare but not unheard of. Females are more social. Found often on traffic stops. May have bright plumage and very colorful facial markings.

Polywarrantus- May attempt to fight or flee if cornered. Has multiple outstanding warrants. Can be highly aggressive and dangerous.

Entitlement Complexus- Will attempt prove superiority/dominance, young male of the species is the worst. Can also share some traits with Drunkus Obnoxious, generally comes from a wealthier background than average. Impervious to reason and consequences.

Emotional Complexus- Defense mechanisms include tears and hysteria. Reasoning may or may not work. If all else fails, safety in numbers.

Unstableness Obvious: Use caution, unpredictable and potentially violent. Is not playing the same game with the same rules you are.

Reality . . .

Pawn: (noun) - What you are to your politically motivated administration. See also: means to an end, bargaining chip.


Morale: (noun) - A rare mental and emotional condition involving enthusiasm and confidence. Sometimes seen in departments without layoffs and budget emergencies.


Brotherhood: (noun) - An unbreakable bond shared by members of a law enforcement agency. The only known defense against crisis within or outside of a department. See also: thin blue line.

Life imitates art . . .

Irony: (noun) - Defined as being the mediator for a dispute in a housing unit while all the inmates watch an incredibly similar and equally ridiculous dispute on "COPS."
See also: Learning curve, job securtiy